God is Enough

      I've never really been the type of girl to strongly desire a man in my life or a relationship with a man so much that I think about it on a daily basis. Yes, maybe the slight urges for affection and comfort which comes along with having a serious relationship, but never to the point that I truly desire one. Lately, this has not been the case.

      For a little while now, I've been feeling a strong desire for a relationship, but not just any relationship. I want the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. The problem is that I know in order for a relationship to really work, it has to be founded on God, and happen in His precious time as well. I have to remind myself to be patient because the truth is that I don't just want any man. It may seem as though I do at times, but if I'm being completely honest, I desire something deeper. 

      I realized today after writing in my prayer journal and talking to God that what I crave is not just some earthly relationship filled with romance and affection, but a Godly relationship filled with the love that only God can bring, and a partner in my mission for Christ. If I truly just wanted affection from a man, I would take it from who I could get it from right now. But I want something more. I want a God-fearing man who has the same mission that I do, to change this world for God's glory, to see it be changed for the better, and to see it be turned upside-down by God's love. I want...no, I need a man who can lead me spiritually and help me accomplish things in this world for God's glory. And really, if I cannot have that man, I don't want a man at all. Some may think my train of thought is foolish, or self-righteous, or picky, or selfish, or even just stupidity at its best, but I truly believe that it is what God wants for me too. 

      I believe God wants me to be with someone who makes me braver and stronger for His Kingdom. I believe He wants me to marry a man filled with His own love and Holy Spirit. I believe He wants me to marry a man on fire for His name and truly seeking to change this world one beautiful individual at a time. And if, on the off-chance that I am indeed wrong (because let's face it, I am no where near perfect) I guess then that I will be single for the rest of my life. I'm not trying to be dramatic or tell you this for "shock effect," and really it may even sound depressing to many. But that's okay. I know that not every two people are the same. Really and truly I believe many and most are intended for marriage, so PLEASE do not take anything I am saying out of context or the wrong way. Many marry all of the time, and you and I both may end up being some of those people, so don't fret or freak out thinking, "OH MY GOSH! GOD WANTS ME TO BE SINGLE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!??" Truly that is not what I am saying. My point in telling you all of this is this and this alone: if singleness is our case, and God truly does intend on some of us living a single life, we should bring ourselves to a point where our relationship with Him gives us the strength and wisdom to be able to say without hesitation or doubt, "I am okay with that," and right now, that is what I am doing. I don't know if God intends on me marrying or being single, but right now, in this moment, I am declaring "I am okay with that." I am okay with that because my focus is on God and the mission I want to see through for His Kingdom. I am okay with that because nothing is more important than God and his plan for my life. I am okay with that because He has shown me more love and understanding and beauty and grace and sufficiency than any man, or person for that matter, ever has or could, and that is what I will cling to in all my times of weakness, weariness, and worry. God is what I will cling to, and He will always be there to give me the strength I need. He will always be enough.